survivors — Writings — Fatema Writes

Remarks from Survivors, Activists, & Healers Speak Out Against Sexual Violence

I want people to understand how devastating and long lasting the impact of sexual violence is. It stays with us, even when we do our best to let it go and move forward. Just because I went to therapy and spent four years actively doing healing work doesn’t mean I am all better. I am more integrated, my mind less compartmentalized. It is easier for me to be in solitude. It is easier for me to disclose my survivor status with others. I can trace the threads of trauma in how I respond to people or events. But I live with it every day.

Fatema HaqueSeptember 13, 2020sexual violence, cw: sexual violence, survivors

Unlearning: Victim-Blaming

There is something about sexual violence that distorts responsibility. We immediately shift our focus to the victim. What was she wearing, drinking, doing? Why was she there in the first place (while disregarding that the ‘there’ in question might be her own home)? Why didn’t she say no, do something to stop it (never mind that she may have been incapacitated and unable to stop it; or that an absence of ‘no’ is not consent (an enthusiastic yes); that ‘no’ can take the shape of a flinch, a whimper, a stillness)? Even our language is passive: “she was raped” instead of “he raped her,” the perpetrator forever kept invisible in our speech and deliberations, and therefore shielded from accountability.

Fatema HaqueMay 17, 2020victim-blaming, sexual violence, survivors, cw: sexual violence